Last week Ben and I got away for a few hours. We filled a little cafe table-top with calenders, extra-curricular brochures, budget spreadsheets and checkbooks. We talked about schooling for next year, each kids interests and opportunities, summer plans, and enjoyed our first ever cappuccinos.
At the end of the night I fell into a little bit of a “mood.” I felt very spoiled and suburban-y. Did I really just spend my date night deciding to forgo haircuts for all eternity in favor of swim team for everyone? Am I really fretting over whether Libs can get her hip-pull-flip thing mastered so she can go on to level 2 gymnastics Did I seriously just fork over $85 for a choral jumper and red bow tie?
And so… I sipped my cappuccino I whined about how “hard” it is to live with so much and pleaded with Ben to move us away to a “simpler” place. I bemoaned our lack of exposure to the real world where people are suffering and living without so much. I feared we might lose empathy for the human race if we didn’t change things up.
And then the wind blew the other way for a minute. We went to our first DCFS Foster care certification class. After listening for 3 hours about why kids come into the system and all the difficulties they face inside the system and outside the system, I was overwhelmed.
I was super saddened by the stats and the stories and extremely embarrassed by my hesitancy to bring these hurting kids into my “suburban-y” life. Was I really sitting there worrying my kids might be inconvenienced by their presence? Was I honestly thinking about how upset they might be if they have to put some activities on pause in order to take on a sibling group? Wasn’t I just saying they needed their world shaken up a bit?
It’s humbling to be so blown and tossed by my own lack of conviction and fear of change. No hero foster parents here. Just fearful, full of idealistic intentions-people who want to share what they have. Only 8 more classes and 7,000 pieces of paperwork to go – and probably a few more wind storms I imagine.
Anyone got a windbreaker I can borrow? 🙂