Maundy Thursday

I confess I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to think about on Maundy Thursday. I always seem to end up in the garden on the Thursday before Easter – there with the disciples and Jesus.

It’s the day I think about how much Jesus has done in my life and how, there I am with the disciples – filled with amazing intentions, deep convictions and…asleep.

It’s the day I take stock of all the ways I’m failing. It’s good to tear down my ego a bit. It helps steer my heart away from how I want to celebrate Easter.

“Yay for ME and MY new life!”

“Yay for tulips and spring and peeps!”

“Yay for almost done with school!!”

Easter is about God’s plan and Jesus’s resurrection and the Spirit’s presence.

So today I’m asleep while Jesus despairs and prays.

…forgive me for all I know and fail to put into practice

…for the self absorption that creates apathy in relationships and cocoon-like living

…for my impatience and perfectionist ways that trample my children 

…for my desire to rule, my will above all others, my opinions and thoughts and preferences 

…for the fake kindness I dispense in hollow smiles and sarcastic thoughts

…for ignoring the Spirit who convicts and leads and suppressing His work with distraction 

…for pushing aside the needs of the whole world and caring only for what touches my sphere

…for not only sleeping in your presence but leaving you all together to pursue other, easier company

Tomorrow I follow Jesus to the cross and mourn for his wounds and marvel at His strength and devotion. But today, I’m hanging out in Gethsemane.

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