Despite

One of the themes of the 20’s is “Know Thyself.”  I couldn’t begin to count all the wonderful speakers I heard encourage me take inventory of my family of origin, my spiritual gifts, and skill sets. I have taken and retaken the Myers Briggs personality index and several other forms of type testing and profiling. I have prayed over and looked long and hard at every aspect of my childhood and all the baggage I dragged into adulthood.

This was all time and energy incredibly well spent. I totally get myself and by God’s grace, can sometimes really get others too.

I suppose I used to believe that as I gained understanding in an area, it would vanish – as if insight was a form of erasing. That does happen very occasionally, but much more often that insight gets dropped into a little “Life File,” I call DESPITE.

Despite that way I have unintentionally or intentionally coped with my brokenness…

Despite my tendency to…

Despite my struggle to believe…

Despite my personality type twists and turns…

Despite my strengths…

Despite my failures…

Despite my intentions…

Despite, despite, despite… I take responsibility for what I can change and mature in. I am committed to allowing sanctification to continue. I am convinced that growing older and wiser will only reveal how much farther I have yet to mature. I am thankful for the healing I’ve experienced and hopeful I’ll experience more. I do the hard work of digging up what is false and replanting truth and nurturing that truth until it can remain without constant attention and care.

And, I’m resigned to the reality that I will arrive in heaven unfinished. So I pray for God’s kingdom and will to come through me even now, despite me.

I’m so fascinated by why we are the way we are. I’m mesmerized by what molds and shapes us. I believe it’s fruitful and necessary to be good students of ourselves and others. I’m not moving away from this process.

I’m just expressing my gratefulness to the Lord that He loves and uses people who are nowhere near finished.

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