I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while as it includes a bit of information I’ve been keeping close and on the down low for several months. It’s nothing earth-shattering, but it is something I’ve had to digest and re-digest over and over again until God’s peace finally came. To put it simply I’ve decided to try to find a full-time job for the coming academic year.
OK. I told you. That wasn’t so bad.
You all know we lost lots and lots of money in our transition to Sycamore. Selling a house we purchased at the top of the housing bubble and sold at the very bottom was painful. But, very mercifully – God settled us in a rental home we adore and could never ever afford to buy, with so many of the luxury items that were on our wish list – in the country, huge yard, charming interior, 2 baths, an office for Ben, high ceilings, best friends for everyone right across the street, and more.
We are happily settled, save one thing. We still owe money on our home in Madison. We are very slowly paying it down, but not nearly fast enough for our liking – hence my looking for a job.
I’ve struggled with this decision on so many different levels. I’ve worried about my changing identity as a “Nav-wife”, my desire to remain at home with the kids, feelings of shame at having to scale back my ministry commitments, fear that God is punishing us, shame over having debt, feelings of inadequacy as I try to put together some sort of resume… You name it, I’ve probably lain awake struggling with it.
But, we’ve also been dreaming and laying our hearts desires before the Lord and asking Him to provide. We’ve been dreaming of writing the check to pay off the last little bit of debt, of owning a home again, and of adopting some more kiddos to bring into the family. We sense God has provided – through time and flexibility. (Although large checks from Oprah or Anonymous Gazillionaires would still be very welcome. Ha Ha!)
God has provided additional time in my life as all the kids will attend school this year all day. Certainly I had planned on using those hours for other pursuits, and laying those aside was not easy, but I believe I will be serving our family in the area where we need it most for a short season. God has also provided a lot of flexibility in Ben’s schedule, making it possible for him to care for the kids after school until I get home from whatever job I find. That is a huge relief to me!! Lastly, God has given us both peace in moving in this direction.
Would you guys mind praying that God will provide a good job for me? My highest value is that it be local. I don’t want to tack on additional time away from the family with a commute. Would you also pray that our family would transition well?