Tips for you

Today I attended a MOPS-like group – so fun. Anyway, the guest speaker was an incredibly fashionable, strikingly beautiful, “stylist.”  I didn’t exactly know what that was until today, but she is EXACTLY what I need. She is not only a hair stylist, she is a PERSON stylist. She helps women head to toe. I told her I had problems in the following areas.

1. Hair color. Is it right for my skin tone?
2. Skin tone. Is it right with my hair? What about my pale legs? What can I use (besides Lancome, or Este Lauder) that will give me a nice fake tan, but not cost me my life savings.

3. Body. Um. Whole thing.

She said, “Be more specific.”

3. Body. I know I’m supposed to be hour-glass, but I’m currently pear because of some problems I have with donuts. What should I do to get back my hour-glass, and in the mean time camouflage my pear?

4. Color. Can’t do it!!

That was all I had time for because there was line out the door of other women just like me who suddenly looked down and said, “What possessed me to put this on today?” after she was done speaking.

Anyway, I won’t bore you with the tips she gave ME – but she did have some general tips that I thought you should all know right this minute because I didn’t know ANY of these, and I’m totally horrified. I don’t want you left in the dark any longer.

1. Capris are not in style.

You could hear a pin drop in the room when she announced this. Picture a room full of nursing and pony-tail sporting moms in, you guessed it, capri pants! We were all devastated and confused! What does this mean? How could this happen? Here’s the thing, capris cut off your “leg- line” in an awful place and should be avoided. (Did you know you have a “leg-line?”) So, if you don’t feel comfortable in shorts and it’s too hot for pants – go for a skirt.

2. You must shave the top of your feet and toes.

I don’t have hair on my feet, but I MIGHT, I say MIGHT have some very fine, very blonde hair on a toe or two. I mean, who looks close enough at my feet to notice that? I guess more people than I think, because this is one of her very serious pet peeves. So, be warned.

3. The 2 Color Rule

OK. This is complicated, but I’ll try and get it right. Pull out two colors from your outfit that you could accessorize with. Example – you are wearing a blue and white top and white pants.  Accessorize with one color in the outfit, (I’ll go with blue) and a complimentary color not currently included, (I’ll go with yellow.)  Also, accessorize with 1 color twice, and the other color only once. So, grab a blue handbag, and put on a yellow bangle and a yellow scarf. Got it?

4. Accessorize

Apparently you need to have some sort of collection of fashion jewelry, handbags, shoes, hair clips, etc. to dress up your outfits.

5. If you are afraid of color – try lavender.

I am personally terrified of color. I always come home with BLACK! Lavender is a good color for most people and is a fashion forward color for spring – so I’m told.

6. Be very careful about panty-lines.

I was so surprised to hear that she wears Shapewear every day. Basically, a modern-day girdle, but nicer. She said that if you see a women who looks good in her clothes you can pretty much bet she is wearing some sort of shape enhancing undergarment. AND, I guess they are sold at Target, but NOT in the underwear section. They are over by the panty hose. I didn’t even know Target had an entire panty hose section. Cool!

I don’t know about you, but I need a personal stylist. I think a 6 hour – initial consultation and total makeover would be in order. Then a couple of seasonal check-ups would be great!

Yours sincerely,

A woman in deep mourning over the loss of her capri pants

6 thoughts on “Tips for you

  1. mom says:

    Not to be totally facetious (but practical at the same time), but if all of you really tall people donated all your capris, they would be perfect length pants for shorter people.

  2. Kristin says:

    Jess, I am just not convinced. Her “style” sounds very similar to a particular department at Von Maur that I would never shop in. (The one you have to walk through to get to the nicest bathroom in the mall!) I don’t think every woman needs to dress that way. She would probably be mortified by my (lack of) wardrobe, but I don’t know that I would like her alternatives, either. Don’t stress yourself out trying to conform! Wear those capris if you want to!

  3. Here you write me a long meaningful note and I write back on this post. Because I’ve got nothing profound to say, I guess. But I do worry about what to wear.

    And I like it when somebody lets us in on a formula. That is good. I’ve been shaving my feet for a while, so I feel really ahead of the game. Of course, I’m a brunette, so I have to be a little more vigilant you know?

    I watch “What Not to Wear” a lot. I know people criticize for saying what people shouldn’t wear and that they are trying to make everyone look the same, but I really think there is some science involved with what literally looks good on your person.

    I wish I could capture your guru for help with my hair. I don’t think I’ve ever had the right haircut. At least not for more than 3 weeks. Ponytail up!

    Hubby vetoed capri pants when they first arrived. Please tell me bermuda shorts are ok because dang it’s hot down here in Arkansas.

    : )

  4. Jeanna says:

    I, too, have been shaving my toes & top of my feet for years. Having a some Italian in my blood means darker hair everywhere – and toe hair is so “hobbity”. 😉

    I wear Capris sometimes, but I KNOW that they look strange – as do the 3/4 length sleeves. One day we will look back at pictures of ourselves & wonder why we wanted to look like our clothes were too short on us!

    I also follow ‘What Not to Wear’. They are catty sometimes, but their tips are good!

  5. San Antonio Megan says:

    Love it, Jess!! I must say the whole color-accessorizing seems a little formulaic, but at least a good place to start. This year, I’ve started wearing more jewelry, skirts and Target Shapewear (seriously… they’re called “assets” and they’re made by the same lady who makes Spanx but cost only $20 instead of $40-$50). With a dress or a skirt, you feel like a million bucks in those things. As for feet-shaving… been doing it for 15+ years. Dark hair, what can I say?

  6. Hey Jess,
    fun post…

    I just wanted to add a little note/idea for those ladies who still want to use their capris, but want their legs to look longer and in better proportion.

    If you have just a little know-how you can take your existing capris and alter those to just above the knee to make them a ‘walking short’. This length is much better, like a skirt, to make your legs appear longer and a better body position.

    If you don’t know what these look like just google ‘walking short’ and look at the images for ideas.

    I hoped this helped someone out there 🙂

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