Today in church, I overheard a stranger share with another stranger some great news. She sold her home – in 1 day. Sign out, offer in.
She leaned over to her friend and said, “God is so good. He really came through for me.”
Two things happened. My heart started pounding, threatening to come out of my chest and yell really loud. I also started staring at the poor lady. I guess I was trying to figure out what she had that I obviously didn’t. A treacherous, downhill spiral of terrible theology started to seep into my mind.
I’m so glad this happened at church. If it had happened in the grocery store, I’m not sure what would have happened…accidentally causing some precariously stacked produce to smother her maybe? Thankfully, there were hundreds of people around, all singing and worshiping God, so I couldn’t act rashly. I was forced to confront my thoughts and give them over to the Lord.
How is it that I continue to struggle with God over His timing in this? How is it that I feel insecure about God’s love for me when He blesses friends and loved ones, and even complete strangers? This not selling our house saga has been on of the THE best things to have ever happened to me. Hopefully, you’ve picked up on some of the major, life-altering, lessons God has blessed us with through all this. And yet, my spirit continues to rebel because He has stretched me, and stung my pride, and humbled me – things I prayed He would do.
Well, I did stop plotting to “accidentally” swipe her expensive handbag. I shut my eyes and wrenched my head around to face the front of the church again. I forced my heart to list all the wonderful things these 2 years have brought about.
God absolutely demonstrated His love and commitment to us by leading us down this path. He wrestled from our souls impurities of every sort. He stretched our understanding of His nature and sovereignty in immeasurable ways. He had this mind just for us.
It felt like He was playing keep away sometimes. Holding security, and safety, and ease just out of reach. Sometimes I thought He was laughing at us – mocking our passion for those things. But really, it was more like we were pieces of furniture, covered in layers and layers of old paint. He was, and is, stripping away layer after layer of burdensome insecurities and false hopes. We aren’t finished, but we are little closer now. Just a little.
And so the music stopped and we all settled into our seats to hear God’s Word. I did steal one more little look at the mystery lady. But I smiled at her.
God is good. He really came through for me, too.
PS: We are set to close, finally, on the house in Madison on April 14th – 2 years, nearly to the day, of putting the “For Sale” sign in the yard.