but I’m thinking about homeschooling the kids next year. There. I said it.
Some of you are thinking, “WHY is she doing this to herself?????” (My own mother and husband.)
Some of you are thinking, “Hasn’t she thought through this 2 or 3 other times??? Like ever year around this time???” (Yes. I have.)
I don’t know folks. I learned trying it last spring that I’m not that great at it. I also learned last spring that I would really like to be.
I learned last spring that the flexibility and time with the kids was awesome. I also learned that I lack the motivation to keep things going on all cylinders by myself.
I learned last spring that our homeschooling experience brought out the best in the kids…and the worst. I also learned it did the same for me.
It all boils down to what every mother wants – to give their children the absolute best. For me, especially, it’s about developing in them the ability to learn and enjoy learning – something I totally missed until college. Even then the primarily lesson was how to work the system to get the grades. They’ll need to learn that too at some point probably.
They are having a wonderful experience at the public school, but I already have some issues. They are certainly learning and growing, but not at the pace they could be. Not that going faster and learning more is always right, but Haven has already learned the art of doing just enough to remain unnoticed and get good grades. She is not pushing herself to do HER best, she is pushing herself to be in the top 10% of her class. I think there’s a gap there.
Tim is thriving on the structure. Actually, this year has been just what he needed, and I’m tempted to leave him just where he is and see how 1st grade works out.
I’m tempted to leave Haven there too, but I’m also very tempted to take them out. I value stability for them. I value letting them continue to settle in and create community in this town. I get that I can’t change things every year because I want to try stuff. I get that it. But what is the gnawing thing in me?
There is no need for persuasive speeches in the comment section, or reminders about what a failure I felt last spring was. However, some thoughts about how you all have wrestled through this decision for yourselves might give me some new ways of processing. Or, just pray for me as I continue to throw this thing back on to the table again, much to the dismay of nearly everyone around me.
Ms. Can’t Leave Well Enough Alone – EVER