I’m sorry to bring this up again…

but I’m thinking about homeschooling the kids next year. There. I said it.

Some of you are thinking, “WHY is she doing this to herself?????” (My own mother and husband.)

Some of you are thinking, “Hasn’t she thought through this 2 or 3 other times??? Like ever year around this time???” (Yes. I have.)

I don’t know folks. I learned trying it last spring that I’m not that great at it. I also learned last spring that I would really like to be.

I learned last spring that the flexibility and time with the kids was awesome. I also learned that I lack the motivation to keep things going on all cylinders by myself.

I learned last spring that our homeschooling experience brought out the best in the kids…and the worst. I also learned it did the same for me.

It all boils down to what every mother wants – to give their children the absolute best. For me, especially, it’s about developing in them the ability to learn and enjoy learning – something I totally missed until college. Even then the primarily lesson was how to work the system to get the grades. They’ll need to learn that too at some point probably.

They are having a wonderful experience at the public school, but I already have some issues. They are certainly learning and growing, but not at the pace they could be. Not that going faster and learning more is always right, but Haven has already learned the art of doing just enough to remain unnoticed and get good grades. She is not pushing herself to do HER best, she is pushing herself to be in the top 10% of her class. I think there’s a gap there.

Tim is thriving on the structure. Actually, this year has been just what he needed, and I’m tempted to leave him just where he is and see how 1st grade works out.

I’m tempted to leave Haven there too, but I’m also very tempted to take them out. I value stability for them. I value letting them continue to settle in and create community in this town. I get that I can’t change things every year because I want to try stuff. I get that it. But what is the gnawing thing in me?

There is no need for persuasive speeches in the comment section, or reminders about what a failure I felt last spring was. However, some thoughts about how you all have wrestled through this decision for yourselves might give me some new ways of processing. Or, just pray for me as I continue to throw this thing back on to the table again, much to the dismay of nearly everyone around me.

Yours truly,

Ms. Can’t Leave Well Enough Alone – EVER

3 thoughts on “I’m sorry to bring this up again…

  1. aSprinkling says:

    I was in your same boat for the last several months. I wanted to give each option serious consideration. I stressed over it. I’m the kind of person who wants to know as much as I can before making a decision (especially when it comes to my kids) so that I don’t somehow miss a better decision. So…I asked people that I trusted and respected for the pros and cons of each option. I asked people who I knew had chosen (in some form at least) each option…some more than one. And in the end, while still discussing, my heart reached a decision and my head followed. And I think the decision is what God wants. Where He wants us. For next year at least. One of the ladies that I most respect encouraged me to no look at the decision as a “forever” but as a “for one year” decision. It can change. What is best for this year or even this kid might not be right for next year or the next kid. But if we follow God’s leading, we’ll end up in the right place.

  2. aSprinkling says:

    And remember…your life last year was not the same as your life this year…you are not the same and your kids are not the same.

  3. Dear Ms. Can’t Leave Well Enough Alone – EVER,

    Jess, I can totally relate! My angst is in the past, however, much to everyone’s delight, as both our sons have graduated from college/grad school and love the Lord!

    We “wrestled through this decision” just as you are: by gathering facts, knowing our children, and listening to the Lord’s still, small voice.

    Two weeks into jason’s fourth grade year at a charter school, the Lord spoke to my heart through Proverbs 19:27: “Stop listening to teaching that contradicts what you know is right.” (Jas was being heavily dosed with evolution and one of the world’s scarier religions.) My husband was delighted but shocked, when I informed him that the son who fit the category of “some children should NEVER be homeschooled!” was in mental and spiritual danger, and I wanted to teach him at home.

    And our oldest “hated” kgtn at a Christian school (seriously, his teacher would have made a great prison guard.) So, after Christmas, we pulled him out; he later went to another Chr. school 4th-8th, and did high school on his own; he’s now getting his PhD from Cambridge Univ., England.

    We stuck with hschooling for several years with each, rather than in one year and out the next, just for the sake of continuity of relationships and family sanity… also because that’s how the Lord led us. Isaiah 30:21 became a reality for me, as I DID hear a word behind me, saying, “This is the way; you walk in it!”

    From a vast reservoir of angst over such decisions, my only caution would be to relax and enjoy your lovely children, whether they GO to school or not. There is no perfect way to educate them. As you continue to make your decisions by faith, God will, INDEED, work all things together for their good (and yours!)

    with relief that we’re done,
    jeanne 🙂

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