Do you enjoy baby showers? I do. I really do. If you invite me to yours, I promise not to sit in the corner with other “older” moms who like to snicker and smirk about how naive you are about “birth plans,” or “getting your baby on a schedule” or “discipline techniques for 1 month olds.” I promise to joyful dote on you, fill up your plate with goodies, be genuinely overjoyed when the baby kicks or I see a crazy elbow race across your belly.
I will buy you whatever is on YOUR registry, and not fill up an ancient looking gift bag with diapers. I will want to touch and feel each and every outfit and admire each and every little snap and embroidered bunny rabbit when it comes around the circle of women gathered to watch you open your gifts. I will happily eat any flavor of baby food for any game you would enjoy and I promise not to spit out the spinach or sweet potatoes which someone always thinks is funny to throw in the mix.
I will however, slip in a little something special along side the cutest outfit ever, and I hope you will just take my word for it. These are mandatory for new mommies, and no one will be brave enough to give them to you.
1. New retainer case
My teeth were perfectly straight when I got married and had been for many, many years thanks to my parents and 2 sets of braces. I had not worn my retainer for so long, I wouldn’t have known where to look for it. But, with each kid, my bottom teeth got just a little bit more out of whack. Three kids later they are a mess. It must have something to do with hormone changes. So, I’ll try to find you a lovely, flowery, easy to spot, case to help you remember to slip that ol’ retainer on now and again.
2. Mouth guard
Yes, just like the ones football players wear. Both of my top front teeth have lovely little chips in them from various toddler heads. (Yes, I am a mad tickler, wrestler, kind of mommy – but I think every mommy winds up with a kid’s head in their face coming at them 100 miles per hour at some point.) I suggest wearing it when you think any sort of tumbling around is about to occur. I wish there was a more attractive way to protect your nose too, because I can’t tell you how painful it is to get cracked in the nose by a little one’s head, but I’ll spare you. Just pop in that mouth guard when you think to and enjoy yourself.
4. Crest white strips
Motherhood may cause you to begin enjoying beverages that contain high levels of stain causing ingredients – like coffee, energy drinks and um, well, wine. You may notice your teeth beginning to look more like “ecru” than “white.” Also, many of these helpful beverages are rather addictive, especially coffee, so even after your little one is sleeping well, etc. you may still choose to partake of them. So, just start early on with the upkeep of your sparkly white teeth and enjoy your early morning beverage or late night treat.
So, that is all. I hope you’ll still invite me to your baby shower!! (And, would you mind serving coffee??)