W…w…w…waaaaaaait. No. OK. Go ahead.

I know I talk a lot about our home in terms of “open” and “closed.” Well, tomorrow is the big day for us. Tomorrow the house is officially “open” for the semester. Tomorrow we welcome our friend, Howard who will be staying with us for a spell – and then this weekend students will return and meetings and commitments will begin.

I think my heart is ready. I miss the students. Honestly and truly, I miss them.

But, my flesh is not ready. I’m a little tired. The house is still in some sort of funky disarray. The laundry is just not leaving. The girl’s room is in shambles. I don’t feel like cooking. I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for 4 days now.

Five years ago, OK, last year, I would have panicked at this point, over-analyzing my weakness and failures as a mom, homemaker, and disciplemaker… I can just hear myself…   “We can’t open our home in THIS condition. It’s not perfect. This mess makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. I need to hide behind perfectly buttery dinner rolls and shiny bathroom fixtures. Quick! Where is the 409!!!”

I don’t feel that way this year. I feel ready to let Howard see me with my hair up and my ratty robe on.  I feel like I can admit to him and the world that I like to veg out and watch Bernie Mac on TV after the kids go to bed. I feel OK about the mess. I feel honest and real. I feel like God is still going to do amazing things even if we aren’t perfect for Howard, or the students.

I think this is a step in the right direction for me. I think I’m, gulp, growing.

And, just one more thing friends. The doors are open. Why don’t you come? Really.

3 thoughts on “W…w…w…waaaaaaait. No. OK. Go ahead.

  1. dang. I wish I could. In my black non-maternity pants that I wore the whole time I was pregnant with Mattie….who is now ten years old. They are non-maternity…that’s why it’s ok that I still wear them, see?

    Wait. You are hosting a guy? Don’t you know that when it comes to dirt and disarray they don’t have any eyeballs?

  2. Jeanna says:

    I often clean more for my female friends than my male friends. Why do I feel the need to compare my womanhood??? Is this why it’s easier for me to be around guys than girls? When will I grow up?
    Thanks for the insight – even if you didn’t intend it with this post…it made me think!

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