That will be $100 please

Dear Mysterious Theys,

Thank you for coming by for your third walk through our home today. I really hope you enjoyed the beautiful vacuum lines, the pleasant smell wafting from the candle in the kitchen, the whiter than white hand towel hanging perfectly straight in the bathroom, and of course, the toilet seats clean enough to eat off of.

Really, I hope you appreciate it.

No, reeeeeallllllly... because Mysterious Theys – if you don’t mind me calling you that – I have three young children who aren’t exactly on board with keeping the house spotless in between your visits. Also, each and every time you have wanted to come, my husband has been out of town. I’m not complaining, just explaining, why, I might be sending you a bill should you decide against this house.

See, I figure I’ve spent approximately 10 hours cleaning for your various visits. This usually includes some deep cleaning the night before your arrival, including all the bathrooms, straightening closets, wiping down cabinets, washing windows, rearranging the garage, steam cleaning various carpets areas, and sometimes even purging a drawer or two in case you look very closely. Then the day of I still have to straighten, wipe down surfaces, make beds, put out “staging” objects like floral arrangements and fake fruit baskets, etc. My poor kids are relegated to a 2×4 foot square where they must stay put while I do all of this so as not too disturb even the air.

So, at a very fair rate of $10/hour this adds up to $100 – which I’m willing to throw in for free with a signed contract. But, should you decide on another house…

I’m tracking you down!

Yours sincerely,

A very tired and especially Sassy Pants

P.S. Thanks for letting me vent friends – and thanks too for your prayers that the Mysterious Theys really do love this little house.

7 thoughts on “That will be $100 please

  1. Amy says:


    honestly, please call me next time you need help cleaning. For some crazy reason I really enjoy deep cleaning every once in awhile!

    You know the #!
    take care,

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