I’m saying goodbye to my short hair and beginning the long, endlessly terrifying, shaggy-headed, journey of growing my hair back out – for my daughter. I finally figured out why she hates my short hair so much. (Remember when she cried for a few HOURS the day I got it chopped from middle of my back to middle of my ear?)
Here’s how my detective skills played themselves out…
Several times over the last few months, while I’m tucking her in, H5 has begun to cry about being seperated from me eventually. She is terrified that I’m going to die – which I am, so it’s been hard to bring the total relief and comfort she is looking for. All I can tell her is that I feel great and that I don’t think I’m going to die soon, but that we need to trust in Jesus’ promise of eternity. We’ve had some great talks, and some real bonding has taken place.
(Pssst… what does this have to do with hair Jess? I’m getting there…)
Tonight, as I’m tucking her in, I see the tears coming and I say, “Babe…what’s wrong. Are you worried about me again?”
“Yes. (sniff, sniff) Would you please start using Mary Kay so your wrinkles get better?”
silence…then it hits me like a ton of bricks. When H5 looks at me with my short hair, and my 33 year old face, she sees – OLD – and she is scared.
It makes sense. She constantly sees me side by side with 18-22 year olds. I can see the way her mind is working…
“Hey, there’s my student buddy Jo-Anna. Long, wavy, hair – very cool nose piercing – and very cute dimples. And standing there next to her is mom. Oh mom, her hair looks different. It looks, old. And where are her dimples? All she has are funny looking line thingys. She looks different. She looks… old.”
Very stiff competition I must say. But it’s true – my haircut is a “Mommy Haircut” and my skin is beginning to show it’s age a little more.
What’s a mom to do? Well, I’m not running from age, but I will concede to growing my hair out again, if only for my girl. Perhaps it will calm her in some way, as long as I make sure she’s always BEHIND me! I can’t do a thing about the wrinkles – but maybe if I grow my bangs long enough…
So, I’ll be sure to post all the hideous in-between looks I’m about to face along the way – NOT!!