Had the opportunity to help lead worship again this past Sunday. It was again, very refreshing. I have steered away from worship leading for a few years, since it used to really wear me out. I remember after leading worship all summer at camp I would feel like I never wanted to lead worship again. I think this was a combination of knowing my heart was not really in it, (actually probably was in it but for the wrong reasons) and knowing I hadn’t really personally worshiped all summer – at least not through music. I’ve always struggled to worship while leading. I have gotten so distracted by what the other musicians are doing, how the group is responding, etc.
After a long hiatus from worship leading, I feel very differently when I have the opportunity to lead now. For one, my identity has finally been untangled from music. I don’t feel my ability to sing defines me in the way it used to after an undergrad degree in music, some years pursuing a music teaching cert. and choral work in various venues. This is probably (mercifully) due to being buried underneath diapers, wipes and bottles for the last 5 years. I have been so completely humbled by attempting to raise children. I have a much more accurate estimation of my abilities, talents, and/or lack there of.
I have also not struggled with not being able to worship while leading worship. I crave time in worship to such an extent now that anytime I have opportunity, I grab onto to with all my might. The opportunities are scarce and to have an entire morning set aside for singing and worshiping is heavenly.
I’m also able to lead with some very cool musicians who have gotten a handle on this worship leading thing a lot earlier than I have. They are genuine, love Jesus, and are immensely talented. This has been a real gift.