I’m in the middle of a long stretch without hunky hubby. One great thing about having a student living with us is it’s not as scary at night knowing there’s another adult in the house.
Yesterday I was very lonely and tired. This morning I felt pretty much the same. I got to thinking and praying and I’ve discovered what’s up. I’m a lazy love addict.I’m tired and grouchy because my love tank is empty. I usually fill up each day with my daily hunky hubby love. Feeling kind of on the frumpy side – catch a quick look from hunky hubby and I feel beautiful again. Feeling like I don’t have anything to contribute to the world – lean on hunky hubby and without needing to say anything, he usually comes up with some great compliment that perfectly fits. Feeling like if one more kid touches me I’m going to implode – hunky hubby plays with my hair for an hour and lets me fall asleep in his lap. Sometimes I get such a surge of destiny when we get to talking about us, and our future. You get the picture. Where there’s a need, there is usually a hubby.
I think this is great – don’t get me wrong. I’m so grateful to be married to such a wonderful man. But, as I was praying this morning I was reminded of what our marriage really is. The Lord is preparing me for the kind of relationship I will have with Him eventually. He also is fully able to meet many of these needs I have in the present, if I would just direct my heart toward him. It’s just easier to run to the one right in front of me instead of the Creator of the Universe.
At the heart of my tired, grouchy mood is the sudden realization that I’m feeling this way because I’m lazy. There is more than enough love to fill my cup, but it would mean me dragging my will to my room where I would have to crack open God’s word and force my slow mind to think on what is true. Ugh.
I say Ugh because I totally resent God for making this so hard. NOT. I say Ugh because I really dislike this lazy side of myself. I should be laying face down right now praising Him. Actually – that’s exactly what I’m off to do right now….before another wave of laziness hits.