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Captured

April 25, 2012

A dear friend recently took some photos of the family. She put a few on her website.

http://www.korimauchphotography.com/2012/04/22/friend/

I teared up for a few reasons when I saw them. I am going to miss the person who took them, Kori, so much. She is such a precious treasure of fun and fruitfulness. I admire her very much and so wish we had more years to live life together.

I also teared up because – she captured each of us – especially the kids. I can see them – their personalities, their hearts –  in the pictures. And because we look happy – and we are. We are deep -down, joy-filled, happy. Whatever challenges are ahead, I will always have these photos to remember what a sweet season of life this was.

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Complex Math for Monday

April 16, 2012

1.  Used spring break to clean refridgerator, window wells, and pack odds and ends      

                           750 Stress points (SPs) – 300 SPs because I also got to shop for new towels

 

2. Signed 327 sheets of paper in order to close on new house.

                           5000 SPs x 3 children with me at closing who ate snacks loudly and chatted with former owners – 9000 SPs because the house we bought is AWESOME

 

3. Spent 2 nights and 3 days in Great New House (GNH)

                         150 SPs x 2 because of sleepless nights on the new bed + 78 because we decided to return new bed  – it was that bad

Question? Have the dimensions of queen sized beds changed? Our new one is a full 2 inches shorter than our old one.

                         + 9387 SPs worth of projects I decided must be done before I move into the GNH

 

4. Drove very quickly home to attend Tim’s swimming banquet

                     + 95 SPs because it was very, very long + 69.23 SPs because I didn’t sleep well last night either.

 

OK. Anybody got a total for me? Happy Monday friends!

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Metaphors for Married Ladies

April 11, 2012

Um…this little “shout out” to my friend, Ness at Happiness is a Butterfly, makes my cheeks blush a little. I know it shouldn’t but this subject just always will.

Her post on sex in marriage was just what I needed to hear. If you are married, hop over there.

(insert sheepish grin here)

Ness and I have been on a strange journey together for a couple of years now. We have never met. We trade long emails a few times a year. We keep loose tabs on facebook… Somehow, God keeps connecting dots between us – like insomnia, moves, homes that don’t sell, ministry, God, church, the meaning of friendship. She has deeply encouraged me many times.

Isn’t that cool? I hate the internet for lots of reasons, but I love it too – I found Ness there. I think you should all keep up with her blog. She will bless you!

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Fear

March 26, 2012

Isn’t it funny how our “issues” leak into strange places in life. Take mine for example. Fear. I am afraid. In a very general sense. I am a worse case scenario person. The other day Ben was reminiscing about swimming in the ocean and I was nodding and smiling and thinking, “Sharks. Jellyfish. Riptides.”

I fight it. I pray about it. I work on it. I win lots and lots, as evidenced by the fact that I have also gone swimming in the ocean and I will enjoy watching our kids someday frolic in the ocean (but I may also make Ben tie himself to them and arm myself with a shepherds crook.)

Here’s were its strange though. Home decorating? Seriously? How could fear run over into this area? Of course, I have found a way…

I am so afraid of making a terrible mistake decorating, that I somewhere along the line decided I just wouldn’t. Sure, I pick up things I like and rearrange things I like, but I have no plan. I am afraid to make a plan. What if it exposes that I have a terrible sense of style??? 

Well, I won a little battle recently. I did make a little decorating plan. I found a few throw pillows I loved, and then asked Hunky Hubby to paint some furniture to match the pillow. We now have a brick red bookcase and a mustard yellow table with blueish/grayish chairs in a little grouping. The pillows are on the futon couch in the same room. I like it! It was fun. I am on a role!

I found a bedspread for Haven since she is moving to a queen size bed at the new house and Ben is painting a dresser teal to match it. And we decided to make her closet into a reading nook and we are going to paint the inside of the closet a very fun shade of green. I am so excited. I am not scared!

I am so dumb. :)

I knew you all would celebrate this with me though! I’ll post some pics when we are all done!

 

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Distracted

March 22, 2012

Last night I was in admin. mode on the couch – computer perched on my lap. I was working on a long list of to-dos when I felt a slow smothering feeling come over me. Sweaty, lumpy, heavy weight began to encroach my space. I pressed on, furrowing my brow and staring all the more intently into the computer screen.

The feeling increased. Now there was definitely some movement on both sides of me. The couch was moving, the computer was shifting off my lap, and the sweaty, lumpy, heavy weights were preventing me from typing correctly.

Then I heard a voice. It was quiet so I answered with an annoyed, “Huh?”

Again the voice, but this time I heard the words, “Mom, do you even like having children?”

I looked up. The sweaty, lumpy weights were my two girls – pressing in close for some attention.

Ouch. So tasky – all that registered was something annoying me.

I’ve been a very distracted mommy these last few weeks. I could list off the reasons why and justify it, but I don’t think it would lesson the sting of last night. I need to pay attention to the kids more. They are going through just as much as I am preparing for the move – maybe more. They need to see my face, my eyes, and feel my presence.

Hope you are NOT a distracted parent tonight!

 

 

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Important stuff…

March 19, 2012

Today…

I tried on last summer’s capris and… they fit. Hooray!

I officially stopped sweating because I was cold and started sweating because I was warm.

A preschooler held up a cracker with the letter H on it and said, “H for Mrs. Dager,” with the proudest little smile on his face. I guess you had to be there for that one.

I started Bonhoeffer’s, Life Together, and got to page 4 and had to stop. I was already full of things to think about.

I reconciled myself to the fact that we may have to take our dying couches with us to the U of I even though I’d hoped we could leave them here in some sort of hospice situation (aka student apartment). 

After putting Life Together down, I decided what I really needed to read was Real Love for Real Life: The Art and Work of Caring, by Andi Ashworth, because I try and read it every year. I highly recommend!

I almost went upstairs and read the next chapter in the 100 Cupboards book the kids and I are reading together. I held off though.

I almost did menu planning and laundry on my lunch break, but I held off on that too.

Wouldn’t want to overtax myself on this extremely important day. Hee Hee.

 

 

 

 

 

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What have I been doing?

March 17, 2012

A friend recently asked if I could share a bit about what these last months have looked like. :) Thanks Dana, for being curious. You are such a good friend.

Most of you know, I took a job at a Christian school in September, working as an aid in a preschool classroom. I also took on a few more piano students, giving me a total of 9 students to teach weekly. The purpose of this extra work was to finish paying off our house in Madison. (So lovely to be paying off a house you no longer live in or own. YUCK!)

Working as brought all kinds of relief. There is the financial relief of paying off our debt and the joy of making financial progress after just making it for a little while. Another surprising relief is knowing exactly what I have to do each day. The loss of freedom and autonomy in some ways frees me from the wondering if I am doing the right things, ministering in the right way, etc. I also find myself becoming much more organized and planning better for the family in general. I think I also have a better understanding of what the majority of women experience as they juggle work, family, etc.

I’ve loved working with preschoolers, which was a little surprising. I am not great at disciplining them! They are too CUTE! Thank goodness for an experienced lead teacher who knows the ins and outs of 3 year olds much better than I do. I love singing with them, teaching them about the days of the week, reading to them, doing finger plays, and feeding them snacks. I don’t like correcting them or managing more than 5 of them in the bathroom. :) So, it’s a pretty cushy job all in all.

My piano students are wonderful. I have a few very new beginners which are fun and require little prep but a lot of encouragement and energy during the lesson. I have a few older students who are working hard and progressing well and challenging me to draw up long dormant information about music theory and pedagogy. It such a neat step when one stops practicing to fulfill your minimum minute requirement or for stickers and starts enjoying the process of mastering music.

Something that went out the window right away though, was the ability to let my mind wander around the think. Maybe this would improve as I get even better at managing my time. Right now I go from task to task, work to piano student, dinner to swim practice, sleeping to getting ready for work. Even the down time feels taken up by planning the next days. I have read very little and written even less – as evidenced by my very sorry blog.

I’ve also struggled with some guilt about not relating with very many people outside the family. I know some working moms who do hospitality and relationships much better than I am managing, but for me, this is an epic fail.

So, there are a few exchanges for sure, but overall I am very grateful for my health and the ability to work hard. I think I’m more confident in my teaching since I’ve gotten the chance to teach some students now for several years and see them progress. I have had to ask for help much for frequently than I am comfortable with which is really good for my overly self-reliant and prideful soul. I have missed working with students, but know I am working away from them now to have more freedom and time with them in the future.

I will finish my preschool job up in May, my students will have their recital just after that, and then we move! Right now we are knee-deep in planning for our next home – schools, finding new couches, researching dog ownership, packing, cleaning, trying to finish well, grieving some, hoping some, and trying to carve out a little time to play!

Dana, I hope that gives you a little glimpse. See, it wasn’t that exciting! :)

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Wrestle Mania

March 9, 2012

Image

Home…

Pretty sweet isn’t it? What a blessing to have such a great place to move into in a few months. So much to look forward to, and yet…

You know me. I just can’t leave things alone. As soon as things started moving along with whole move, and we were offered this great new position, and we found a swwweeet house all 5 of us are so thrilled about, and God is blessing with some much needed encouragement and confirmation – wouldn’t you know, I’d start to wrestle with Him.

Why God? Why all this blessing now? Why this great house? Can we handle the blessings as graciously and faithfully as you deserve? Lord, I’m finding it hard to accept this awesome house. It’s toooo nice. Lord, I don’t deserve it – take it back. Did we learn what we were supposed to? Ok,God. How long will this little season last? Is there something around the next corner I should get ready for?

And on and on I go, wrestling with Him just as hard as I did when we were in more difficult places.

This Sunday I’ll sing “He’s Always Been Faithful” – Sara Groves version. Such a great song and it’s a good exercise for my soul to sing it. I don’t think it is an accident that Paul asked me to sing it. I think God wants me to sing it – to proclaim His faithfulness even as I struggle to embrace it.

His faithfulness is so unlike what we experience in even the best of human relationships and if you’ve been disappointed along the way – as we all have – it’s hard to accept that God is who He says He is. Surely He has motivations just as man does to lead us on, to pull the rug out from under us when we least expect it, to further His own ends and leave us behind. These are all things I fear and push against in my spirit.

It’s an act of worship and faith to sing these words and I hope it pleases God to know as I’m wrestling with myself too -  to believe these words more fully every day.

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me

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What do you think?

March 5, 2012

Image

This is part of the logo for the school I work for. Upon seeing this logo in the corner of a recent newsletter, one of my little preschoolers told his mommy that this picture was a picture of me. I don’t know. I’m not really seeing the resemblance. But…

Maybe its the regal look I often cast as I read Clifford and Curious George…

Maybe its my hair flowing all lion-like when I lead them in “Its a grand ole Flag”…

All I can say is it better not be that he thinks I have a hairy chin or tufts of fur coming out of my ears!

Preschoolers! Aren’t they the best?

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Sweet Touches

March 3, 2012

Still gonna hold off on the pics of the house in Champaign, until its official, official -  but I couldn’t resist sharing a few fun ways the house stole my heart.

1. We cut down 5 full grown trees and a gazillion overgrown bushes at our home in Madison. It felt like mission impossible to carve out enough grass to have a proper yard for the kids. Our new place has NO trees in the backyard. It’s a very nice, totally tree-free, blank slate. Kinda weird since it’s in an older neighborhood, but I’m NOT complaining. Now I can plant what I want without the backbreaking labor of pulling everything out.

2. Our home in Madison had 4 different colors of carpeting when we first moved in – including a lovely rust colored AstroTurf-like variety. This home has great new carpeting all in one color!!

3. I confess I am a totally boring person when it comes to color. This home is basically all brown. Brown wood floors, light brown carpeting, brown trim, brown cabinets. I also confess that I love it. I love brown. I am gonna keep a lot of it brown. Me and brown are friends.

 

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